Tag Archives: ghost stories
Shock News – Aliens Abducted Wendolyn from “Wallace and Gromit”.

Looks perfectly legit to me in a random-rocks-really kind of way. That’s Mars on the right by the way. In case you were wondering.

Finally, some answers.

One of the great mysteries of our history – alien abductions – has been partially explained by a new picture from Mars. It’s always been a bit of a head-scratcher just what exactly do aliens do with the human beings they abduct. In an ideal world (an alien world, obviously) the abductees are whisked away and, after a bit of harmless  anal probing and some restful, suspended animation in a tank full of alien goop, they live a fantastic life on another planet with lots of really neat gadgets, 3D televisions and cheap, working light-sabres. Not surprising, heaps of lunatics are queuing up. A bit like all the nutters who’d happily volunteer for a manned mission to Mars even though we couldn’t bring them back, there are plenty of people constantly jumping up and down in the middle of the Nevada Desert, waving their arms and hoping to get picked up by a UFO. Or maybe at least get interviewed by Louis Theroux.

These are the same folks who think the tavern scene in the original Star Wars IV must be the best place ever to visit. The bar is full of very bad dudes with guns who’ll kill you for looking at them the wrong way, everyone speaks a weird language, there’s a crap band in the corner and chopping off someone’s arm to settle an argument is okay. I usually say to these idiots that, believe it or not, this can be easily arranged – without ever leaving the planet. We can drop them into a pub in, say, Caracas (Venezuela)  or San Salvador and they’ll experience exactly the same thing. Briefly, before being turned into a messy statistic.

But back to alien abductions. It’s revealed by these latest pictures that the aliens, in fact, dump their guests off at a layby on their way out of the solar system. Unfortunately, it’s on Mars where nobody except for Matt Damon can survive more than a few seconds. Stupid bloody aliens. Not so advanced-civilisation after all, apparently.

And identifying this particular abductee is possible through the careful application of scientific, forensic processes.

It’s Wendolyn from Wallace and Gromit’s, A Close Shave.

woman-on-mars-2 wendolenepic

Compare the two pictures (the one on the left has been artfully created by… someone). Pretty obvious, right?

So next time you’re thinking of attracting a joyride in a UFO consider the chances you’ll be booted out the back door on the way past Mars. Where there’s no oxygen, no internet, no Matt Damon and no potatoes to eat.

There are no aliens in my free novella Twice As Dead, but you’ll find ghosts, gunfights and plenty of women nearly as attractive as Wendolyn.

Go to this page for links to free versions of Twice As Dead and all my other (not quite so free) books, too.

Mystery Lukas Boston Twice As Dead High Res CLICK HERE FOR LINKS

The Grand Experiment Begins…

I’ve been doing a lot of reading, research, study, surfing… you name it – into self-publishing novels and the benefits to be had. I’m more than happy with my “traditional” publishers, Momentum Books (Pan Macmillan) and – well, the damned bankrupt Weltbild in Germany are in my bad books at the moment, but I’m guessing that’ll sort itself out. However, these publishers are limited in what they can do each year, they can’t put out everything I write, and I’ve got stories and manuscripts that simply won’t fit the picture anyway. Self-publishing these is the option, risking only my own time and, I suppose, reputation if these books completely suck.

Actually, publishing these books is relatively easy. Getting them noticed among the daily deluge of books that hit Amazon every hour is the real challenge. This needs self-promotion, which isn’t easy. 

With this in mind I’ve enrolled one of my books, called “Ghost Tales, Four Stories Of The Dead Among Us” in the Amazon KDP Select program. In a nutshell, in return for various advantages, I get to give away completely free this book for five days during a ninety day exclusive contract with Amazon – the free ebook market being particularly voracious with a much higher profile. I don’t have to use all five days in one go. I can select five different days over that ninety day period. The idea isn’t so much to sell “Ghost Tales…”, but to attract readers to my other published books, which they’ll pay for.

The jury is kind of out on whether KDP Select works, but I can say that I’m in the bracket to see some level of success, because I have other titles to sell. If you’re a new author with only one book, it may not be so good.

So if you’re into writing, self-publishing and self-promoting I’ll be more than happy to share how this experiment goes. I expect in this first instance – meaning the first free day – not much will happen, because I’ll need to do other things to make the world aware the free promotion is available, but you never know… In fact, I don’t know exactly what Amazon will do.

Interesting times ahead. “Ghost Tales, Four Stories Of The Dead Among Us” will be available as a free download from Amazon for approximately 24 hours on March 12th – and if that makes you think “crap, I’m too late”,  don’t forget Amazon is on Pacific Daylight Time (PDT) and a full 15 hours behind us here in Western Australia. Wherever you are, just Google PDT Time and you’ll find out the time of day according to Amazon.

Wish me luck. Get in touch or leave a comment, if you want to know more.